i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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