We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
