yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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