I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
