i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
