I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
