I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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