TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
