Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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