Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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