how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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