shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
