i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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