just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
