i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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