Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
