Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
