hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
