Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
