the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
