i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
