Say something about gay babies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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