Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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