We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
