i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
