I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
