if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
