...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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