1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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