the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Quick, to the slutcave!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
