Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
