Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
