3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
