Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
