last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
