ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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