P.S. I can't hear my feet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
