I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
