I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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