I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
