btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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