Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
