Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
