dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
