My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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