i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
