your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
