So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
