I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
