I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
