pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
